The only reason to ever put a
picture this unflattering on the internet is when it’s your
practical-joking friend's birthday and she looks as ridiculous as you do. She’s older than I but maintains a youthfulness from which this ole heifer could learn.
I met Erin my freshman year of
college when I walked on the volleyball team and she was on the basketball
team. She was the smiliest person around then, and I’m sure she still is.
She was significant in my college
years in honing the child-like facets of my adult personality. Our antics wore
on people who didn’t have the same sense of humor. Their loss.
This
picture was taken in the late 90’s when Erin came to visit from Washington. I
wanted a nice normal picture of us smiling at the camera, and Erin goes for my
udders. Gasp! Where are your manners!?!
I thought I was clever in picking
her up from the Pocatello airport in my cow suit. It was a test of guts because
while I was driving, I could see people pointing and laughing at my missing
horn. Meanies.
As
I waited in the airport—I swear she was the last to deplane—I heard a few
comments from her fellow passengers like, “Gee. I bet that’s her ride.” And then…
I saw THIS walking toward me. She changed into this outfit mid-flight. It was
always a test of “who’s foolin who” with us, and she always won. I threw up
the white flag often because…well look at her…no boundaries. I engaged in the
tomfoolery a bit, though.
Once
after a bunch of us wisely opted to not drive home the night before, I threw
some bacon on her while she was sleeping to get the dogs to wake her up. I
didn’t ever do that again. But I thought about it.
Once she forged a letter from ISU’s
academic affairs threatening my scholarship after we’d engaged in a slightly delinquint
practical joke on campus. She had the letter delivered at the beginning of a
volleyball practice and as I was near vomiting during our warm-ups, I heard her
giggling at the top of the gym’s bleachers.
Once I left a message on her parents
answering machine as though I was a woman whose car she hit in a parking lot. I
thanked her profusely for leaving her name, number and insurance information. This was her parents house over the summer. I had to apologize to Erin’s dad for his increased blood pressure that
weekend, but his reaction made it all the better.
Once
she picked me up from the airport with a mullet wig and a set of Billy Bob
teeth and refused to remove them.
She helped me to loosen up and I
showed her where the library was. She introduced me to the Rum Runner's
“Thirsty Thursday” with $2 pitchers when she took me out the first time I got
drunk at a bar. On a school night! We played rugby together, went on a couple
very rainy spring breaks (I still blame her for the weather), and I got both of
my tattoos with her. Whenever we talk, we pick up right where we left off with
a peppering of lines from Dumb and Dumber, The Sandlot, and A League of Their
Own.
Erin will be one of my best friends
For-Ev-Verrrr. Stillwell Angel, have
another chocolate bar and Erin—have a happy birthday!!